Can you live with yourself?

"There is nothing outside a man which by going into him can defile him; but the things which come out of a man are what defile him." Mark 7:15. I often tell people that I want to be Captain Jack Sparrow. Seriously. I am a big Johnny Depp fan and I just love that character; he fascinates me. I have probably watched all three of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies more than any other film that I know of. I love to see the story progress, though at times it is a bit unusual and can feel a little too involved. Most of all I love the adventure that it just takes you on. My favorite of the films is the third one-"At World's End". I don't think it had necessarily the best plot, and the ending is almost too 'trippy'. However, the little saying and one liners, and motifs we find in this movie I think are great lessons we can take and apply to our everyday Christian life. Now I must put in this DISCLAIMER. As a Catholic striving to live an promote the teachings of the Church, I must address the paradox of the entire idea of the "Pirates" movies. The protagonists and heroes we love and celebrate are thieves and murderers and the lifestyle that they lead and is in a way promoted by the films is NOT in line with the teachings of the Church and I do not condone of support it. Don't become pirates kids. Stealing and murdering and pillaging is sinful and wrong. So, I still contest that there is good in the movie that is presented even in the characters who are not living the most righteous lifestyle. Which goes to show that God can work in any heart. I could go on and on for hours about the different themes and typology that I see in the films, but I will focus in on the theme of redemption that I see in Captain Jack Sparrow. I want to look at just one line from the third film in the short exchange between him and his father played by Keith Richards. Jack Sparrow says to his dad "What? You've seen it all, done it all. Survived. That's the trick isn't it? To survive?" To which his elder and mysterious pirate father replies, " It's not just about living forever, Jackie. The trick is still living with yourself forever."

I was watching the film this summer and that line just jumped out at me! And it's within the next few scenes that play out where we see this theme of redemption come through in the character of Jack Sparrow. He has this crazy plan in the film to just live forever, to do what it takes to escape death, however if you go so far as to say, the short exchange with his dad is a sort of foreshadowing and we see in the end a change in Captain Jack. In the second film as he trades a close friend for a few extra days of freedom, Davy Jones asks him, "Can you live with yourself letting a be condemned to a life of servitude while you go free?" At the time Jack is fine with that. Yet in the third film he forfeits his own desires and in fact trades the opportunity for immortality and his own personal gain for those he cares about. This act of selflessness shows that change and begins in my mind to unpack the truth from the line by Keith Richards about living with yourself forever. What Jack Sparrow comes to realize that there is more to life than what we can get for ourselves, and it is what we do that makes us good or bad, more so, one could go so far as to say that our interactions and relationships with other people are what matter most in this life.

As Christians this applies to us particularly. Our goal is to live forever; to have eternal life. But at what cost? How does one inherit eternal life? Through our understanding of Scriptures and the Church it is by baptism and a relationship with Jesus Christ. But more than that, it is the living out of that relationship with Christ that bring us to heaven. So often as Christians we try to measure our own holiness. This is an absolutely ridiculous idea, but we do it anyway. Too many times we try to measure our own holiness against others specifically in how much one prays or how many works of mercy, or just good things one does. However, holiness is not measure in absence of sin, but rather presence of God. Holiness is a journey, not a destination. Holiness is a relationship with a living being. How well we do in that relationship and how much we let it impact the way we ourselves live is what determines how holy we are. To lose sight of that can be both dangerous an discouraging.

In the vain of pirates, we see even the most vain and self interested character in Jack Sparrow and in the end when faced with the idea of eternity and life and death he chooses the path that he can best live with. We are indeed led to believe that he had every intention of doing what he had to for himself but chose the path that kept his conscience clean. Ultimately, as his father said, the trick is living with yourself forever. As we walk through life it isn't how well we pray or how little we sin, how perfect we make ourselves feel that determine our holiness. So when we look at our lives and our relationship with Christ in the scope of eternity, are our consciences clean? Do we really have that presence of God? Is the way we are living now a way that we can look back on at the end of our lives and still feel good about? Can we truly live with ourselves rather than knowing we did just what it took to get ahead for ourselves. Because it isn't how perfect we seem, for "There is nothing outside a man which by going into him can defile him; but the things which come out of a man are what defile him." Mark 7:15. And the good news is that we don't have to do it alone. "Strive even unto death for the truth and the Lord will fight for you." Sirach 4:28

Everybody is good at something. I am tremendously blessed to be at more than one thing. I happen to be good at doing Mickey Mouse impersonations, something that I plan to perfect hope will pay off in the long run. Still, with all of my talents I will admit that I have missed the boat. I have taken many for them for granted and not used them or live up to my fullest potential. I have looked at my talents and used them to seek admiration, affirmation and ultimately validation from others. I have used my talents to show off, feed my ego, and impress those who I looked up to or wanted to like me. The real danger here is first I find my self seeking validation where it cannot come from, but also I begin to almost derive my own identity from these talents.

I played hockey growing up and I loved it. It was the one thing that I stuck with the longest and out of everything I have done it brought me the most joy. I played so much that it became my life. From season to season there was always another team to make and game to play. However, when it all ended I had nothing but my memories to show for it. Honestly, I felt lost. I felt that my identity was gone and I was useless. Hockey was what I was good at, and now I am not good at anything anymore. More importantly I had no way to prove myself to others. No way to seek that affirmation or validation.

Maybe you can relate, or have had similar experiences. What I had to learn the hard way is that my identity and my validation do not come from what I am good at; they do not even come from what I do. Knowing that I am talented should cultivate gratitude within me. I am only talented because the Lord has given me those talents. If it weren't for Him, I would not have those talents. Also the validation I seek to gain so desperately with those talents also must come from Him. If I have no talents apart from God, I can't have any validation from God.

What I have learned is this. My identity comes from God my maker. From Him derives my talents and my purpose. What I do or don't, or what I am good at or am not good at does not make up who I am. Who I am to God is who my identity is. Therefore I receive my validation by realizing that identity and taking all that I am and all that I am blessed with, and I give them back to Him, the source of my identity. So by living out my talents and ultimately my identity for Him from which they come, then I receive my validation.

By taking what He has given me and using it to the full, then giving it back to Him; by glorifying Him in everything I do-that's where my validation comes from.

+AMDG+